Not What Dr. King Envisioned

I have a feeling that Martin Luther King, Jr. did not have a day off in January as part of his dream. The dynamic civil rights leader simply wanted children of all races and religions to stand beside one another, holding hands, not have everyone stop working. Although I believe in Dr. King’s “I have a dream” speech, I don’t think that giving government agencies a day off of work does anything to promote good will towards our fellow man, but rather gives Joe Shmoe a 3 day weekend and a reason to slack off one more day of the year. Now that I’m currently looking for work (sounds better than unemployed), everyday is just like the next. However, I did get motivated today to run some errands. First on the list was to change some things about my bank account. No can do. MLK, banks are closed. Next thing I had was to send something in the mail, so I headed to my friendly neighborhood post office. Nope, we have a dream…a dream of not doing a damn thing today. I hope that whoever created this day to remember Martin Luther King, Jr. realizes that instead of making the world a better place, that they created some inconveniences too.

Where the HELL are the Flying Cars?

When I was a kid, I remember looking forward to the future and imagining what technological advances the world would make. I thought that when I was a grown-up, we would all live in the clouds and travel in our flying cars, not unlike the Jetsons. Well its 2003 and I'm a little disappointed in the advancement in transportation, especially in comparison to my childhood visions. Just think how much better life would be from a commuter point of view if we all didn't have to follow the same path (Interstate Highways). Let me explain my angst with this evening’s events.

This evening I was privy to some UNC basketball tickets thanks to my good pals Dan and Ed. I left Cary/Raleigh at 5:45pm for Chapel Hill so I could make the game at 7pm. An hour and 15 minutes would give me plenty of time to get there, since it takes me 35 minutes on a regular trip there. Unfortunately for me there was a minor fender bender on I-40 that resulted in taking me 45 minutes to travel 9 miles! I figured it wouldn't be so bad on the return trip, but man was I wrong! I left Chapel Hill at 9:15pm and got home at 10:30pm, thanks to some late night construction. For those of you keeping score, the usual hour long round trip to Chapel Hill actually took me an extra 90 minutes. Giving me a total of 2 hours and 30 minutes of driving time.

If I only had my flying car, everything would have been fine.

Damn the power of the vermin

Unless you haven’t already heard, we are in for 6 more weeks of winter, because some fat, furry overgrown rat said so. I truly believe that if we stop Groundhog Day, we will not have to put ourselves through the blind optimism of thinking we will all have reprieve from Jack Frost, followed by the inevitable disappointment of 6 additional winter weeks based on a woodland creature’s supernatural powers. Whose idea was this anyway? I realize that before the local news bombarded you with weather updates each 10 to 15 minutes, that people had to improvise, or even make up the weather. I would rather give some clown who claims he can predict the weather with his honking red nose the second day of February to predict the weather. Chances are that he would say there will be 6 more weeks of weather every year, just like that bloated varmint does. I have to agree with the pre-self-actualized Phil Conners, played by Bill Murray, in the movie Groundhog Day when he says:

"I'll give you a winter prediction: It's gonna be cold, it's gonna be grey, and it's gonna last you for the rest of your life."

See? If you expect the worst out of life, everything will be a pleasant surprise and you don’t have to see fat guys in top hats pulling out overweight sea otters from a box to do it. It all worked out for Phil Conners, so it should work out for the rest of us….minus the repeating the same day over and over ad naseum until we get it right. So I say abolish Groundhog Day, and stop giving the public false hope of an early spring based on a gerbil chasing his shadow!

Billy Packer is an Idiot

Being a basketball fan, I tend to see several types of basketball games. This means that I hear several color and play-by-play guys call each game. For years I have had to suffer through the diatribes from CBS and Jefferson Pilot basketball analyst, Billy Packer. Billy, as some of you may know, was quite the baller in his day playing point guard for Wake Forest from 1960-1962. Keep in mind that his playing ability will never be in question, because from what I hear, he could flat out play.

BUT.....when you put this blowhard behind a microphone to talk about basketball, he proves time and time again that he has lost touch with the game he once played. His constant berating of players and coaches that do not do things "his way" causes me to throw another log on my fire of hatred for him. His attempts of applying 1960's philosophy on 21st century basketball makes this crotchety geezer sound like Rip Van Winkle after awaking from a 40 year long nap.

Even the most basic of plays, despite whether successful or not, warrant a critique from Billy. A player drives the lane for a monster jam? Should have used 2 hands. An impressive blocked shot? Should have drawn a charge. No matter what happens during a play, Billy is always available to provide his negative spin on the play.

Billy has been known to make some normal comments, but they border on just being common sense. Every time that I think that Billy has shaken the cobwebs loose in his head, I'm reminded of this quote:

"The NCAA should implement a rule to remove the foul call from basketball so we don’t have players fouling out at the end of games." -Billy Packer, circa 1994

For reasons unknown the rest of the world, Billy Packer continues to hold a high profile job. His comments can be described as asinine and irresponsible. I would rather listen to Dick Vitale, who has passion for the game and shares his excitement with the world than some senile old man that has contempt for the modern day game.

***Editor's note - Please read my other Billy Packer posts
Billy Paker Is An Idiot, Revisited

Someone Please Fire Billy Packer

Get Rid Of Billy Packer

Billy Packer Ruins Another Final Four

DMV Provides Speedbump

I was in an errand-running sort of mood today, so I went to the DMV. Since I had just purchased a new car, I needed to put the title in my name, get new plates, pay the state a fortune to drive on their roads, etc. When I got there I noticed that the line was long and not moving particularly fast. I couldn't help but think of Patty and Selma Bouvier, Marge's twin sisters from The Simpsons who work at the DMV, when they said:

Patty: Some days we don't let the line move at all
Selma: Yeah. We call those weekdays!

After hearing that their computers were running slow, I decided to tolerate the sluggish speed. After 30 minutes of waiting in line, I finally make it to a nice DMV employee ready to help me with my transaction. As soon as she is ready to enter my information in the computer the entire system comes to a halt. Not just her computer, not just the computers at this particular branch, but the entire system....STATEWIDE! They couldn't give an estimate of when the system would be back up, so I left. So I guess I'll have to return another day. What a wasted day.

Ice Ice Baby

Ever notice that everyone in the Southeast turns into Chicken Little, claiming that the sky is falling whenever some frozen precipitation comes down from above? Schools and business shut down at the first glimpse of a snowflake or icicle. I'm not saying that icy roads should be ignored. Far from it. What gets me is when the local news acts like frozen rain is on par with the moon colliding with the Earth. The local news stations act like they are doing a public service by mentioning all the horrific events accompanying snow/sleet, when in fact they are validating every fear that creeps into the average viewer’s head during that type of weather. I always keep in the back of my mind the notion that the local news is in competition with all the other local news stations, so they have to build up what ever story that they offer. That is called sensationalism, for you journalism majors out there. I'd rather have facts.

All The TV NOT Fit To Watch

Anyone notice how cluttered with garbage the prime time line up is? FOX dedicated 2 hours to finding out which money grubbing female would end up with Joe "I'm really a construction worker" Millionaire. Meanwhile, ABC had 2 entire shows, Primetime and 20/20, dedicated to Michael Jackson. This, after he had 2 hours dedicated to him just a week or so ago. Since there were so many unanswered questions, the world was privy to an additional evening with Mike to the tune of 3 full hours of Jackson freak show coverage on ABC. Not to be outdone, NBC came up with their own evening with Michael on Dateline for 2 hours. All totaled, we have 7 hours ear marked for 2 people I have no interest in. Isn't there a war about to happen somewhere? Do we really want to know more about Michael Jackson? What will the public have learned after the raw, inside coverage of this oddity? The verdict is in folks. Michael Jackson is strange. Did you really need to waste valuable primetime television to learn that?

I'm begging you. Please stop watching these shows, so that the networks will stop showing them. You are killing this great nation of ours by providing a demand for this rubbish.

Someone Please Fire Billy Packer!

How many times do we have to listen to this idiot stumble his way through the English language and butcher everything that is holy about basketball? After a season worth of viewing exciting college basketball, CBS rewards our dedication by letting a geezer that can't follow the directions on a package of Kool-Aid guide us through the complexity of basketball strategy. In the matter of 2 nights of basketball, which encompasses the Final Four and the National Championship game, our friend Billy managed to screw up more times than this guy, but that didn't prevent me from documenting some of his priceless gems. Remember, CBS must think that Billy Packer is the best color commentator in college basketball, or else we would have someone else helping us through the games. Here's a sample of Billy Packer's sage like wisdom:

-During the Kansas/Marquette semifinal, Billy said, "He needs to put on a hat or he'll catch a cold on that drive." I can't reconstruct that phrase in any combination to actually find a point.

-Towards the end of the Texas/Syracuse game, Billy displays his mastery of defensive strategy by pointing out, "Texas puts in their pressing team. Here comes the press!" For a press to occur, defensive pressure must be applied in the offensive team's backcourt. Texas didn't come within 40 feet of Syracuse. Just because you want something to happen, Billy, doesn't mean that it is going to happen.

-Hanging out with Billy Packer has affected Jim Nance as well. While speaking on Syracuse freshman Gerry McNamara's excellent free throw shooting, Jimbo said, "[McNamara] is 53 of 55 from the free throw line. He has 2 straight streaks of 30 [made free throws]." You have to avoid being around the wrong crowd, Jim. If you hang out with idiots, you will become an idiot by association …or just really bad at math.

In the Championship game, BP was on fire. He was lighting it up from dumb ass range. Here are a couple verbal miscues from the Syracuse/Kansas match up:
-Carmello Anthony pump faked a little too much and actually left the ground. Although it was a missed call by the ref, Billy was on top of it and put in his 2 cents by saying, "That was NOT a walk." Immediately following a commercial, CBS showed a close up proving that Anthony left the ground by a good 4-6 inches. Not to be up staged by visual evidence, Billy retorted by saying it was a mere 1/8th of an inch. Insulting America's intelligence will take you everywhere.

-On a Kansas fast break, Billy shouted out, "Kansas has semi-numbers." What in the hell does that mean? They either have numbers (read: advantage), or not. I guess the Pack Man wanted to cover himself after the "not a walk" comment.

-Illy-Bay later attempts to prove he knows the minds of players and coaches alike. After Kirk Heinrich turns his ankle on a play, Billy Bob adamantly states "[Heinrich] is NOT coming out of this game." Within seconds, Roy Williams puts in a substitute for Heinrich. You do not have to say every thought that pops into your head, Billy. However, you might not have the mental capacity to also have mental self-censorship.

-I really wish we were finished here, but Billy was on a roll tonight. After a Kansas missed shot, forward Jeff Graves attempted a tip slam. Billy extended his knowledge to officiating with, "If that ball had gone in, that would have been goaltending." When did a rule violation start having contingencies? Does he mean that its not goaltending since it didn't go in? C'mon, Billy Boy, read the freakin' rulebook.

-The Packster even slides in some idiocy with subtlety. Just before a timeout, Syracuse narrowly escapes a 10-second call by getting a pass to Anthony in the frontcourt. Previously, we had been told 183 times that Carmello Anthony had a bandage around his midsection to protect his back. Obviously Anthony was injured because Billy said so. Well, Pack Attack quipped, "with that sore back, I'm surprised he made that catch." Sigh. I thought you catch passes with your hands?

-Finally, after Syracuse sealed their victory and the time ran out, Billy had to reflect on his New Orleans experience with the following question: "Has New Orleans given us Final Fours, or not?" Jesus, Billy. Use an adjective. Even "good" would have improved your comment. Imagine: "Has New Orleans given us good Final Fours, or not?" Drastic improvement.

Sorry for the lengthy post, but you can blame the infamous Mr. Cash for this one. If Billy bothers you as much as he bothers me, or even if you are a sadistic bastard, tell CBS that they need a new color commentary guy for college basketball. I think that I could get better commentary from my Magic 8-Ball.

Modesto Missing Person

No, I am NOT talking about Laci Peterson. There was another missing person case in Modesto that did not get near the attention it deserved because the media fell in love with the Peterson story. Read about it here.

According to this story, Dena Raley disappeared from Modesto on Oct. 10, 1999, at age 36, and has yet to be found. Her mother blames the high level of media attention of the Peterson case, Chandra Levy's mysterious disappearance and 3 slain Yosemite tourists. The Dena Raley investigation looks to have been lost in the shuffle of these other high profile cases, all of which had ties to Modesto.

Although the detectives handling the Raley case might not have been successful, I cannot help but empathize with Raley's mother. Heavy national media coverage has accelerated the Peterson investigation while the more garden-variety Raley case has floundered. To think that the national media decides who gets proper attention aggravates me. The only difference between Raley and Peterson was Peterson's pregnancy, which made for better television.

While I hope that this Peterson case gets resolved, I do not want it to get resolved at the expense of Raley.

No Beer on Sunday

I went to the grocery store on Sunday, sometime before noon. I noticed that beer sales were forbidden until after noon. I assume that this rule is in place in respect of religious types that disapprove of beer sales during church, but upon further analysis, I did not see the logic in this rule.

The people that would be offended by beer sales on Sunday are attending church anyway, so they would not be affected. Those purchasing beer on Sunday are not affected by any bad feeling associated with the purchase, or else they would attend church at that time.

Not that I have to purchase my beer on Sundays during worship services, but I was not clear on whom this rule was protecting. Seems to me that these restrictions are carry overs from a by gone era.

Flooded or Why I Haven't Been Posting Entries

Why is it that activities that require my attention get scheduled at the same time? At work this week, I have 20+ computers to replace before the end of the week, updates to our inventory, plus an upgrade to the Human Resources software at the same time. During this hectic time, I have also had to deal with some very quirky e-mail problems throughout our organization. Last week, I caught myself thinking whether I was going to have enough to keep me busy. I must have jinxed myself with those thoughts because the requests for my time have flooded me like.....a flood.

High Pinky Finger Utilization

While playing in a sanctioned XBL basketball game this past Saturday, I was the unlucky recipient of a jammed finger. The play was innocent enough. The basketball was momentarily knocked loose, and retrieved by Harper. Since he was opposing me this game, I took a swipe at the ball to knock it loose. My pinky finger caught his leg, thus jamming it. If you have never jammed a finger, I highly recommend that you avoid this activity at all costs. It basically renders the digit useless. I already knew this factoid based on the multitudes of jammed fingers that I have experienced over the years, especially on my right pinky finger. Despite my injury, I thought that I could persevere, and overcome this minor injury like I had in the past. However, since this was the pinky finger on my right hand and I use computers for a living, I found the previously effortless task of pressing the Enter key on my keyboard quickly became cumbersome. One does not realize how often they use their pinky finger until it becomes difficult to use. I, for example, hit the Enter key no less than 500 times a day. Eventually, I will overcome this injury, but until then I plan on complaining about it every chance I get.

Stupid People

We all know some. They are around us, interacting with us on a daily basis. They are stupid people. They come in all shapes and sizes, but undoubtedly their actions will consolidate them into one group. Usually their idiocy manifests itself when they get behind the wheel of a car. Some of my favorites include driving slower than the flow of traffic while in the left (passing) lane, changing lanes without looking, changing lanes without reason, taking half a mile to make a right hand turn, slowing down in the left lane to make a left turn instead of using the turning lane, and not driving in designated lanes in parking lots. These examples are off the top of my head, but I assure you that I could come up with dozens more after my daily commute. We have all seen our share of stupid people doing stupid things, exaggerated while driving. So how many stupid people make up the US population?

I have come to the conclusion that at least 50% of the people in the US are stupid. That means if you are not stupid, then the next person you see is probably stupid. With such a strong label you have to wonder the qualifications of becoming a stupid person. Does simply committing a stupid act in public seal a person's fate by forever being labeled with the "stupid" moniker? Or would a person have to be a serial stupid person before the label sticks with them? I will leave it up to you to decide.....

Grrr, I Have Been Duped

Last week I posted what I thought was hard core journalism at its finest. I told you about Hunting for Bambi just before it swept the nation on the Associated Press wire. However, after doing a little more research, your intrepid reporter (me) has found out that this story was indeed a hoax. Snopes.com has given this story a full False status. Instead of selling hunting trips for $10,000 a head, these folks were selling videotapes of this event for a mere $19.95. They brought in a local news team and proceeded to orchestrate quite the production for the cameras. I have to hand it to these folks; they certainly got their name out. Almost everyone I know has heard about this story. Since getting attention was their main objective, I have to admit that they were successful. They certainly got me.

I have been had.

You Missed a Spot

Arrggh!

I'm so tired of keeping my house squeaky clean all the time. Since we are in the process of trying to sell our house, we have impromptu viewings at any minute by potential homebuyers. Due to the spontaneity of these surprise viewings, our house must remain in pristine condition all the time. Did I mention, all the time?

Most of you probably keep your domicile clean, but you also probably clean once a week, or every other week if you are lucky. With this house being for sale, I feel like I clean the house every night. I like a clean house, but this is a bit extreme for my tastes. I will be so relieved when this ordeal is over.

PlayStation Football and My Ensuing Beating

As many of you know, I just had a birthday. One of my gifts for this festive occasion was EA Sports NCAA Football 2004 for the Playstation 2 from my pal, Robbie. Considering I thought I was a veteran in the realm of digital college football, it took little time to jump in head first in the fray. To my surprise, I was in for a bit of a learning curve. Apparently, the 2003 version made vast changes to the 2002 version to which I had grown accumstomed (according to Playstation 2 guru Ed). Now that I was playing 2004, I had a rude awakening. No more threading the needle on passes...they get intercepted now. No more easy out patterns....they get intercepted now. No more fade routes....they get intercepted now. You are picking up on the theme here? All I do is throw interceptions. It did not help matters that I kept using perpetual doormat UNC. However, I felt that my knowledge of the game could overcome any handicaps that the Heels might have. Boy, was I wrong! The first game of my season was against #16 ranked Florida State. After interception #5 on the day, I realized that I might have to drop down to the "varsity" level, instead of the "All-American" level. This is the equivalent to playing while wearing a pink bonnet and a tutu. Not exactly masculine. To my chagrin, very little change. I didn't throw 5 interceptions per game. I whittled that number down to 4.

Oddly enough, despite these trouncings, I keep playing. I remind myself of Chip Diller in Animal House (played by Kevin Bacon), while being initiated in his fraternity by getting paddled.

*SMACK* Thank you, sir. May I have another?
*SMACK* Thank you, sir. May I have another?

***Editor's Note***
After reading my weblog on this subject, EA Sports has renamed NCAA Football 2004. Click here for a sneak peek at the new cover art.

Education Goes Corporate

We are perpetually assaulted by marketing throughout or daily lives. You cannot go too long without seeing an advertisement. Television and radio are full of commercials, to the point where you have more ads than regular programming. Since advertisements slip their way into the shows you watching/hearing, you are never in a true ad-free environment. Even your average web surfing session is a constant advertising pop-up window closing activity. Guess where advertisements are popping up next? In your schools.

If you have not been to a public school in a while, you will be in for a shock to see the advertising going on. Schools represent the perfect battlefield for the Cola Wars. Schools get money from either Coke or Pepsi to have their vending machines sell only their products. Soon we will have corporate sponsorship of your child's education. Imagine having to follow a certain product's teaching. It is frightening to consider that some CEO will decide what the next generation should be learning. Of course, promoting the newest product will be high on the priority list. Think I'm crazy to think that education is selling out? Take a peak at some of the new math books that are available.

***Update***
Still think I'm crazy? Check out Microsoft's latest project. I know first hand that the Philadelphia school district is Apple computer's largest customer. I really don't think that schools should be the battlefield for corporate competitors. I would prefer for schools to be a place of learning.

Isabel

Once again the world is about to end due to a weather occurrence. I would like to personally thank all of the local news stations for stirring up so much emotion about this hurricane. Granted, hurricanes are nothing to take lightly, but as I have mentioned before, this does not give the news stations free reign to strike fear into the hearts of the locals. My suggestion would be to calm the masses instead of making everyone panic enough to buy every last gallon of milk at the grocery store.

As a hurricane veteran (I have lived through at least 5 now), I have a good idea what to expect. One thing is for certain, the public gets riled up and buys every staple of their existence. Good luck finding milk, bread, or batteries. The other certainty is a lot of rain and wind. So stay indoors folks. The last thing is that the local news will treat this as the "worst hurricane ever". They do it every time. However, I find it funny that none of the 5 hurricanes I have seen have scratched CNN's Top 10 Most Intense Hurricanes. That didn't prevent them from attaching the "worst ever" label to every hurricane reference that they uttered.

If you don't see a post in a while, I'm probably without power.

***Update 9/19/2003***
Isabel was not much of a hurricane. My power went out, but not for very long. There are very few trees down, mainly tree limbs.
I did find an appropos comic for your enjoyment

Let's Sue, Insead of Parenting

Video games do not kill people. I don't care how many people say they were influenced by a video game, the responsibility still falls on the individual not to commit heinous crimes. Blaming a video game for a crime is a ludicrous notion that should not be tolerated. The source of my anger today stems from this story, where a man was shot by 2 teenagers in Tennessee. The teenagers said that they played the video game, Grand Theft Auto, where violent behavior is rewarded. The first response to this crime was to attack the video game that these kids were playing, Grand Theft Auto. Don't get me wrong, I think that GTA is a violent game that should not be played by kids. This is why there is a Mature label on every GTA video game, which states the game is suitable for persons ages 17 and older.

In the story about the Tennesee kids in question, it states that the kids are ages 14 and 16, neither of which are the appropriate age to play GTA. Had these kids been properly supervised, I would argue that this situation could have been avoided. Not that the parents would have prevented the kids from playing the game in the first place. (Millions of people, and even kids, play this game without needing to kill anyone). What would have happened is that the parents would have known what the kids were doing with their free time. This is a result of parents ignoring their kids, not a video game brain washing the innocent. Its another example of how people believe that it is easier to sue than to parent.

Ounce of Prevention NOT Worth Pound of Cure

At work today, I was embarking on a fairly geeky project. I was going to set up a secondary e-mail server at another location in case of disaster. That way, if something horrible happened to our current e-mail server on site, we could switch over to the off site server with relative ease. Since I was about to journey into unchartered waters, I called a support number we use for such occasions. To my surprise, they would not help me because they do not do "consulting". Ironically, they would help me if there was something to fix. So, that means that if I went out on my own and attempted to set this up and screwed up royally, they would help me. Giving me the proper information (which I know they have) to prevent any potential problems was outside their jurisdiction

Adobe Creates a Pile of Mud

I want to thank the good people at Adobe for making my life a little more exciting the past few weeks. Their pile of mud software is too stupid to update its own older versions, which creates inconsistencies and confusion within its software and aggravation for end users.

***Warning: Geek material ahead. Proceed with Caution***
I'll give you a bit of a time line. First off, one of the state agencies that we work closely with decided to get version 6 of Adobe's PDF Writer, which means that you can only read them with version 6 of Acrobat Reader. As the resident computer geek, I installed Acrobat Reader 6 on all of my users' computers. My users that had PDF Writer installed (about half of the users) only had version 4 of the Writer, but also had version 4 AND 5 of the Reader. So, when I did my install that left them with version 4, 5, and 6. Obviously, it would make sense to remove the older versions if I was having conflicts, but since we have version 4 of the Writer, we needed to keep version 4 of the Reader as well. Luckily, I was able to upgrade the Writer on our workstations from 4 to 5, but still shy of the latest and greatest version 6.

I have not even mentioned the plug-ins yet. Internet Explorer allows third party software to incorporate into its browser in the form of plug-ins. Acrobat Reader is such an animal. What SHOULD happen is that when you click on a link to a PDF, you should see the PDF within the confines of Internet Explorer. In our organization, when you click on a link to a PDF, you get a nice message stating: Cannot find Acrobat Reader. I was appalled at this statement since most of my problem machines had no less that 3 copies installed. To get around this issue, I have to uninstall each version, then install version 5 Writer, remove version 5 Reader, install version 6 Reader, then manually reassociate PDF's with version 6. Right now, Adobe Acrobat Reader has taken the top spot on my most annoying list. I am about to force everyone to print out their documents instead of using PDF's at all.

Nothing Is Sacred

Just when you thought it was safe to have a weblog, someone has to come and ruin it for the rest of us. This weekend web guru Dan found a rogue comment in my "Jump the Shark" entry. The comment was full of every imaginable (and unimaginable) pornography reference known to man strung together in a 50+ line comment. Since the author listed a link to an online Viagra purchasing site, I can only imagine that I was merely a pawn in the game that is spam. Although I'm sure that my site was not individually selected as much as it was in within a huge list of sites based on some arcane search, I still feel violated and dirty. This was inevitable, and my sanctuary of online discussion will now need to be cleansed periodically. The offending spam comment has since been removed, but I expect more to follow in its wake.

The World Is Getting Dumber

It does not take much effort to notice that the world is going to hell in a hand basket. People are taking laziness to astounding heights. Tasks that were innate are now being replaced by technology. We learn to use calculators instead of learning the math concepts. Researching a topic used to require a trip to the library and *gasp* reading books. (note the plural) That has been replaced by "Googling" a word and getting a flood of resources at your finger tips. Not to say that this is not a valuable service, but it has dulled our skills. Its easy to point to the answer, its another thing to learn and know the answer. Taking that a step further the BBC ran a story about Internet plagiarism in many colleges, which has ruffled my tail feathers. Although I would not be considered a scholar, I at least put forth the effort to provide my own work instead of copying/pasting from a web search. We are in an instant gratification society, so researching and learning about a subject does not follow the quick fix mentality. This disheartens me beyond the usual scoff at the cheaters, because thanks to these tactics, our world becomes a place where you can get your results from somewhere else. Eventually, the "somewhere else" resource begins to dry up while we are left standing around like lemmings with no thoughts of our own. I realize that this would take eons, but due to the number of "lemmings" that I deal with in the general public, I am doing my part to try to limit the dumbing down of the world.

Writer's Block!

I have been doing so well, for so long. On every Monday, save one or two, I have provided readers of COALM with a fresh new entry. Yesterday, I was a little bit busy, but not busy enough to make it my excuse for neglecting COALM. I actually found time to write something, but when I began, I could not come up with an idea that deemed worthy of my weblog. Since my usual writing time is late morning or early afternoon, by writer's block did not phase me. I could submit something later that evening, and still keep my Monday streak alive. Alas, my failure to conjure up a decent topic continued. Oddly enough, this writer's block has seeped into today's post as well. I have to think that writing about not being able to come up with a topic isn't much of a topic. This might be the point where COALM "jumps the shark."

Ad-Nauseum

In a recent article on the TV Week website, Diane Mermigas claims that the increasing use of Digital Video Recorders (DVRs) are undercutting advertisement revenues. In response to this, I have but two words: Tough Noogies. If they want to keep striving in this environment, they need to take a Darwinian approach and adapt. This really gets me riled up since this entire advertisement system is not a publicly acceptable endeavor. Most people are so saturated with ads that they have lost their effect to the point where they are more of an annoyance. Think about what these advertisers are complaining about. To summarize, they want to be able to bombard the average viewer with ads despite the fact that the public does not want to see them. Although there are informative and useful commercials, the high annoyance factor tells me that a new system needs to be adopted. This low interest is proven with the estimated two-thirds of the DVR owners that skip commercials. As a DVR owner, I definitely skip commercials whenever possible. The fact that I skip over commercials that I record does not mean that I am immune from advertisements, far from it. You can't even watch a sporting event without seeing ads all over the place, even superimposed on the playing field. So spare me the sob stories about not being able to pry your sales initiative into every waking moment of my personal life. I'm sure that the advertising industry will find new highly annoying tactics to get their product seen by viewers, like unskippable ads or pay-per-view content. Just wait, it will get worse.

ESPN Drops the Ball

ESPN gave me the royal screw job today. On Saturday afternoon, I was relaxing on the couch, enjoying some college basketball. Sixth ranked Michigan State was taking on twelfth ranked Oklahoma. Although MSU got off to a slow start by trailing as many as 12 points, they came back in dramatic fashion to tie up the game, eventually taking the game into overtime. Hurray! An extra stanza of basketball between two teams ranked in the top 25. What a glorious day!

Suddenly, the evil corporate Disney money grubbing machine of ESPN metaphorically reached into my chest, pulled out my heart, took a bite, threw it on the ground and defecated all over it.

How so? Instead of showing the exciting ending to the aforementioned dramatic game, ESPN chose to stick with their regional coverage. Those of us in North Carolina, and assuming in New York as well, were treated to the opening moments of Duke versus Saint John's. The obvious decision was to show the end of the regularly scheduled MSU/OU game, and tune back into the Duke/St. John's following the previous game's completion. You might want to read that last sentence again. The MSU/OU game was ON THEIR REGULAR SCHEDULE! ESPN gave me a faulty product, and I am telling everyone I know.

If you are as upset with this as much as I am, please join me in boycotting any advertised product shown during an ESPN college basketball broadcast.

Boycott List: (Updated regularly)
Mercedes-Benz, Tyson's Hungry Man Dinners, Wendy's, Jaguar

I have listed my letter to ESPN below....

I am appalled by ESPN’s decision on Saturday, December 6th 2003 to not show the Michigan State/Oklahoma overtime, instead showing the opening minutes of Duke/St. John’s. Although I understand ESPN’s commitment to regional coverage, I do not believe that everyone in North Carolina and New York would rather see the opening minutes of a game instead of a hotly contested overtime between two Top 25 ranked teams. I now know without any reservations that ESPN does not have their viewers’ best interests at heart. I would understand if the MSU/OU game was not on the schedule, but it was. Being in North Carolina, I was scheduled to see MSU/OU, then Duke/St John’s. That did not happen. ESPN, while holding up their contractual obligations to Duke/St. John’s, broke their commitment to me.

This gaff was correctable on my occasions, but was never rectified. Duke broke out to a 14 point lead in the opening minutes, and was never a better option that the MSU/OU overtime.

In protest, I will tell all viewers of any websites and forums where post my opinions to boycott any product advertised during ESPN’s college basketball broadcast. ESPN’s decision was unforgivable.

I invite you to read my weblog, which gets thousands of views a day, to read my honest description of how ESPN let me down in their scheduling decisions.

I am further disappointed in ESPN.com, for not giving a proper forum to issue complaints. The online form does not work at all. I hope this is a mere oversight, and not a way to avoid negative feedback.

Steve Emanuelson
http://askingforthirds.org/steve

Holiday Gift Idea

Wondering what to get that special someone this holiday season? After watching a few commercials recently, I think I have an idea. According to the commercial that I keep seeing, buying your loved one a brand new Lexus, complete with oversized novelty bow makes the perfect gift. The commercial even goes so far as to give you creative ways to present their new Lexus:

-You could build a snowman, and use the keys to the brand new Lexus as the snowman's nose. Priceless.
-You can place the keys in the cargo of a miniature train, and have a child turn over the payload to reveal the Lexus logo attached to the keys. Adorable.
-You can't go wrong with the old standby of placing your hands over the loved ones eyes and leading them to the driveway where a caddy corner parked Lexus, complete with a Flenderson's Oversized Bow, awaits them. Classic.

Kidding aside, who buys a Lexus as a gift?!?!? Unless you have a shoe contract with Nike or own a software company, I doubt that anyone on your naughty/nice list will be getting a new Lexus. I would go so far as to say that very few non-luxury cars will be given as gifts this holiday season either. I think the ad wizards at Lexus might have missed their target audience with this commercial.

Media Whores

I'm sick of people being famous because they are famous. This circular definition is not a mistake, there are people that make it to the tabloids then to every other media outlet simply because they are famous. In the process, we forget why they were popular in the first place. A "Zsa Zsa" effect. I come to expect this type of attention mongering from shows like Entertainment Tonight and Access Hollywood, but it drives me nuts when my local news shows a blurb about these media whores. Allow me to compile a quick list of people I know WAY too much about. These people make the headlines a little too often for the amount of entertainment they provide and the talent that they possess.

-Ashton Kutcher - Kelso will always be Kelso in everything he does. If he doesn't want to be typecast, then he should take some acting lessons instead of coming across as such a doofus every time he's in front of a camera. Directly to blame for idiots wearing trucker hats.

-Paris Hilton - A perfect example of a media whore, in every sense of the word. Being an heiress does not mean you need to be on television every chance you get. It means you are a spoiled brat without any concept of the real world. Each time her star loses a little of its sparkle a new tidbit makes it to the news, like a conveniently leaked sex tape or a new romance with a Backstreet Boy.

-Jessica Simpson - She can actually carry a tune, but I would prefer to only hear her sing instead of hearing her comment on anything. She typifies the ignorance that is plaguing America. Kids are getting dumber because they follow role models like this pinhead. Please don't watch The Newlyweds. It will give you a case of stupid.

-Britney Spears - Her failing career needs to be subsidized with scandal instead of relying on her talent alone. Making out with Madonna (Godmother of Media Whores) or a spontaneous Las Vegas wedding gets more publicity than her latest musical release. There might still be people out there that want to see you dance and sing *cough*, but let those people come to your shows for their fix. Don't force the rest of society to endure your waning career.

-Madonna - I used to love her music, back when it was good. Then she started to spread herself thin with movies (ugh), books, and motherhood. Her music took a nosedive. She was a media whore during her Sex book release and her Like a Prayer video/Pepsi scandal. But now she's just a shell of her former self. Still looking for headlines, but not nearly as much.

-Sharon Osbourne - Congratulations, you have sold your soul to the devil so that you can squeeze into every possible media outlet. Granted, The Osbournes was ground breaking and captivating in the first season, but that was it. Documenting going through cancer treatment is not something to share with the rest of the world. And getting a talk show was a monumentally bad idea.

I could not help but notice that most of the people in this list have MTV to blame for these whores and their camera hogging ways. They have a Pavlovian response that whenever a camera is around, they assume that we give a crap about them. Please, do the world a favor and stopping caring about what they are doing. Let them fade away.

Raining Cats and Dogs

Why is it that pet owners assume that everyone is interested in their pet? I do not own a pet, which makes me a cold hearted animal hater, but that does not stop some people. Now, I respect other people's interests, but that does not mean that I need to know the specific idiosyncrasies of Rover. People revolve around their pets so much that the pet creeps into their day to day conversations. Tell me if you pet did something interesting or out of the ordinary, but don't tell me a pet-like characteristic. Its an animal, with animal instincts. Its bound to do something like an animal.

There are some people that allow their pet to run their lives. Instead of living their life, they allow their pet to prevent their own happenings. "We can't go out tonight, because we can't leave Whiskers alone by herself." This floors me. The animal has a short memory, and will cope with anything you throw at it. Going to be gone one night? The pet will be fine as long as you feed it the next day. Then all will be forgotten.

And finally, the devotion to pick up a pet's fecal matter crosses the line for me. If being man's best friend means that man will pick up your feces, I'll stick with human friends. I don't have to clean up my friends' crap.....usually. Jerry Seinfeld said in one of his standup routines, (paraphrased) "If aliens came down and saw humans picking up dog crap, which species will they think is in charge?" I'll avoid this action just in case aliens come down to judge us.

Nothing to Wake Up To

Every morning for as long as I can remember I would wake up to the sound of the Bob and Sheri show on the radio. To my dismay this morning, Bob and Sheri had been removed and replaced with something else. (I would not give them the satisfaction of listening to whatever scab program that was being offered.) Growing up in the Charlotte area, I listened to Bob and Sheri from their home station of 107.9 The Link. Once I moved to Raleigh, I found that Bob and Sheri were syndicated and being brought to the good folks in the Triangle by Star 102.9. This has been going on for several years, but came to an abrupt stop this morning. I'm sure that I could find something else to fill the void, but there just are not that many options. Losing this program has been like having your friends move away. I might listen to Bob and Tom, but it just won't be the same.

If you live in the Raleigh area and are as disappointed as I am in this event, call Mike Hartel, General Manger of WWMY (Star 102.9), at 919-790-9392, ext. 405, and give him a piece of your mind. Or better yet, drop him an email. (mhartel@curtismedia.com)

Billy Packer Ruins Another Final Four

Its Final Four time again, kids. Billy Packer has come into your living rooms to distract you from the premiere college basketball weekend. I have to say that he lived up to his billing, spewing nonsense from his pie hole instead of enhancing the 3 best college basketball games all season. His partner in crime, Jim Nance had a monster comeback from last season. During the off season, Nance went from mildly annoying to an outright boob. CBS must have paired these two together to help Packer be more like Nance, but I think that the opposite happened. Now, not only do I want Billy Packer removed from the Final Four, but Jim Nance as well.

With these two knuckleheads lousing up the Final Four every year, you have to think that CBS turns the other way while they are commentating. There is NO WAY that this is the best duo that CBS has to offer. Allow me to present some nuggets of wisdom from the final game that CBS's number one commentating team served up for the viewing public....

-Early in the 1st half going into commercial break, Jim Nance made this cringe inducing statement:
"They are setting the dress code here tonight. Jackets. No ties." Groan!

-Packer stated that refs missed some call no less than 4 times during the first couple of minutes with his trademark: "[Insert stupid observation here], but no call". Shortly thereafter, Packer states "..the refs are on top of this game." Arguing both sides of the same point insures a correct answer.

-With too many small examples to list, Billy Packer made incorrect preemptive calls on numerous occasions. Had he waited a mere 5 seconds, he could see what the referee's call was, and (*gasp*) inform the television audience of the call. Instead he would anticipate what the call was which resulted in a false statement about who committed a foul, who knocked the ball out of bounds, or even who called a timeout.

-Moving on to the 2nd half, Packer proved again that he does not know the rules. The human dunking machine, Ismail Muhammad got a steal when Taliek Brown dribbled off of Muhammad's foot. Packer yelled over and over "that was a kick!" and it should not have counted. Despite Packer's protests, he was in fact WRONG! For there to be a kick ball call, there must some effort to kick the ball on the part of the defender. In this situation, it was clear that Brown dribbled off of Muhammad's foot, not that Muhammad kicked the ball. Another example of how he doesn't know the rules.

-In the beating a dead horse category, Billy made reference to his pal, Al McGuire's philosophy saying to "just win the game." While it sort of applied to the situation, Billy Packer would not let this concept fade away. He brought it up time and time again when UConn was fending off Georgia Tech's last ditch effort in the waning moments. He kept saying that UConn was employing McGuire's message, although each time that Packer made this statement, UConn either forced a quick shot or turned the ball over. He tried to adapt the situation to apply to his comment, not the other way around.

-Although I can't be 100% sure, I think Billy Packer uttered the phrase "I want to make out with Emeka Okafor and feed him mint chocolate chip ice cream while I caress his soft skin". Or maybe he just hinted that by showing his infatuation with Okafor.

-With a few minutes remaining, Billy says "They [Georgia Tech] don't need threes to win." Only a minute later, he complains about GT's strategy, stating "Georgia Tech is not employing the 3 point line [like they should]". Once again, arguing both sides of the issue insures you are right.

-In another groaner, Jim Nance uttered the phrase "UConn is the 'Meka' of College Basketball" in reference to Emeka's nickname.

-And just when you thought it was all over, including beating a dead horse with McGuire reference, Billy gets to ask Jim Calhoun a question after the game:
"My old buddy Al McGuire used to say that the object is to "win the game". Was that what came across your mind when you had that kind of lead?"
What did you expect Calhoun to say, muffinhead? "Although we had a 20 point lead, I was really hoping to tank the game and lose by 30"?

Answer the Question, Claire

Ever notice that when you encounter someone and ask them a quick small talk question, sometimes they do not answer the question you asked? For example, you ask "What's up?" and they reply, "Pretty good." This annoys the crap out of me. Is it so hard to pay attention to the question asked of you, then respond accordingly? I know its only small talk, or maybe even a substitute for a "hello" but if someone asks you a question, why not......I don't know......ANSWER THE QUESTION?!? In a weird way, I would rather that they ignored me completely than to answer a non-existent question.

So the next time I ask someone "How are you doing?" and they reply "Nothing much", I might just have to smack them upside the head.

Active Listening

Have you ever talked with an Active Listener? This has to be one of my biggest annoyances ever. Don't know what I'm talking about? Active Listeners (AL) are people that constantly give you feedback while you are talking to them. In my social circles I run into an AL'er infrequently, however we have a new employee at work that actively listens more than anyone I have ever met. Unfortunately for me, I had to give this AL a technology orientation which required me to talk for extended periods of time to cover scads of material. Despite my diatribes, this AL talked more than I did. Here's a snippet from our conversation:

Me: If you need to save your own files, you can use your user drive
AL: Uh huh, uh huh, uh huh, uh huh, uh huh
Me: The other drives listed there are
AL: Ok. Alright. Yeah. Alright. Yeah. Uh huh.
Me: ...your department's drive and the...
AL: Ok. Alright. Yeah. Alright. Yeah. Uh huh.
Me: ...network..
AL: I see. Um hmmm
Me: ...share...
AL: Oh. Uh huh. Yeah. Alright. Ok.
Me: ...drive.

Annoying huh? Yeah, this went on for about an hour. Lucky for the AL, that he was on the phone. Otherwise, I think I would have completed my orientation with him lying semiconscious on his back with my foot against his windpipe.

F-150 Woes

I have met my nemesis and his name is Ford. The automobile manufacturer, not the former president. I currently drive a Ford F-150, and up until very recently I have been pleased with every aspect of this vehicle. However, in the last few weeks I have seen some of the strangest behaviors.

This all started when I noticed that after turning off the engine the radio would stay on. I categorized this as a low priority since I could simply turn the radio's power off at the console. The morning that I started my current job the truck would not start at all. Abby, being the team player she is, offered to baby-sit the truck and allow me to begin my first day without a hitch. Diagnosis: bad alternator. Made sense to me considering all of the symptoms. Ford replaces the alternator, which is under warranty. Problem solved...for now.

This past weekend, I jumped in the truck to head over to Ed's place to witness the eventual collapse of my Cubs at the hands of his Dodgers. To my chagrin, I was met with a dead battery. After a trip to AutoZone, I was the proud owner of a brand spanking new battery, although it was curiously smaller than the previous one.* Despite my protests, AutoZone tells me this battery is what the system calls for. I installed it, then went to Ed's with no problems. On the way back I had some strange behaviors like the radio going in and out, flickering digital displays, and inconsistent A/C fan speeds. I decided that I would make an appointment at the local Ford dealership to address these issues. The next morning (yesterday) the truck failed to start. Sigh. I get it towed to Ford. On the bright side, they provided a free shuttle service for me to get back to work. Abby takes me to pick up the truck at the end of the day, and the damn thing would not start yet again! *The folks at the Ford dealership said that it would jumpstart, but I had the wrong battery. They led me to believe that getting the right battery would fix my issues. I make a beeline from Ford back to AutoZone to get the correct battery. All goes well, and AutoZone even installs the replacement battery for me. Despite a few radio flickers, things seem normal, but due to these past experiences I am skeptical. After a few hours, I go out to the truck to start it up. Wouldn't you know it! The damn thing would not start. Being after hours, I had no options other than to wait until morning.

This morning, I knew the routine. I call the tow service and schedule an appointment at the dealership. They pick up the truck and Abby takes me to work. Oddly enough, while I was writing this post I got a call back from the dealership saying that either the previously faulty alternator or battery caused a short in the starter and starter relay. They replaced each and claim that everything is back to normal. I should have the truck back in my possession at the end of the day, so we'll see how they did. As you can probably guess by now, I have my doubts. I'll keep you updated.

Good thing that the truck is under warranty or else I would be broke. Although I had to pay for a new battery, all of the other stuff was covered by warranty service. The new alternator, starter, starter relay, two three tow trips, and who knows how much labor would have cost a small fortune.

I Can't Drive 55

I have a dilema that has plagued my feeble little mind for years. Perhaps one of you loyal COALM followers has an explanation:

Why is it that cars have the ability to exceed the maximum speed limits in the United States?

Seriously. Why would an industry dare the public to use their products to break the law? If a car doesn't exceed 70 mph, then the chances to break speed limits get reduced dramatically. They use restrictor plates in Nascar. That same technology can be applied to the average commuter based automobile

Christmas Shutdowns

I bet that you have seen the following behavior in your office lately.  Disappearing co-workers that take advantage of their squirrelled away vacation time, coincidental illnesses that occur more rampantly during the holidays causing people to stay at home, or the sleep walking drone effect of those of us that were not clever enough to act on the previous two scenarios.  Overall, you have a work atmosphere that accomplishes nothing.  The same ruse occurs the next week just before the New Year.  For two solid weeks, the average work force comes to a screeching halt and productivity comes to a stand still. 

The same cannot be said about the retail arena.  These folks are working overtime and busting their tails.  The malls are packed right now.  Full of the aforementioned anti-production drones, ironically causing the retailers to work harder.  This production shift happens every year, and the same thing will happen for years to come.  I don't have a solution, nor am I sure that its actually a problem.  Call it a simple observation of the obvious which has been exploited into a blog entry. 

I Still Hate Billy Packer

I have devoted much of my web log towards my hatred for Billy Packer.  I could list all the individual links, but I'm too lazy (Give me a break.  I have "Lethargic" in the name of my web site for crying out loud).  You can use the Search function on the right to find my other Billy Packer posts.  I had an elaborate plan to write yet another piece of prose lambasting the tired old coot, but I couldn't get any references this year.  Not due to lack of information, because Billy Packer spews idiocy from his mouth like a geiser.  My plan was to write down his asinine commentary from the two Final Four games and the National Championship game like I did in 2003, but other circumstances stood in my way.  I viewed the semi-final games while in Tennessee in the presence of at least 6 kids, so I did not have the opportunity, nor the environment for transcribing.  I watched the National Championship game, which featured my Alma mater winning the championship, from the friendly confines of Ed and Kristin's house.  A house full of UNC alums watching the most important basketball game of the year, usually comes packaged with everyone shouting encouragement and profanity in large doses.  Again, not exactly a good documenting atmosphere.  (Perhaps I could review Dan's TiVo'd copy of the game to get the full Billy Packer effect)

However, do not think that my lack of attention to the grumpy old man of college basketball means that he is out of my crosshairs.  On the contrary, my ire toward this blowhard has fully blossomed with emergence of Spring.  I just don't have concrete examples this time.  Maybe I could just guess what he said.  It can't be that hard.  Let me give it a try....

During his keys to the game, he probably stated the obvious.  Sean May will be a force in the post, Illinois will have to rely on their 3 guards on the perimeter, both teams need to play solid defense to win, etc.  After the first 6-0 run, he most likely said that the team getting beat "should be doing" this or that.  Actually, I guess he used the phrase "they should be" like it was being fired from an automatic assault rifle.  When the player or the team did not carry out his suggestion, I can hear him saying, "I don't see why they aren't" doing whatever suggestion he had.  Throw in some overt name dropping and sprinkle in some contrived connection between two dissimilar scenarios and you have yourself a recipe for another Final Four ruined by Billy Packer.  Hey, this was easier than I thought!

Skankified

Is it me or has the female American youth started to take fashion advice from hookers?  With the increased popularity of low rise jeans and whatnot, these teeny boppers are pushing the envelope on what is socially acceptable attire.  Granted, the hot summer months lend themselves towards more scantly clad females walking around, but dressing down to keep cool is differnent than dressing down to look like a stripper.  You will probably assume that  I am old-fashioned, but you would be wrong.  The truth of the matter is that I am jealous.  When I was in school, the honies (as the kids are calling females nowadays) dressed in a much more conservative manner.  Today, girls get their fashion cues from such prudes as Britney Spears and Paris Hilton.  Now that school is out, the limitations on dress code mandated by school systems has been lifted, so the girls are wearing even less.  I noticed this the other day when I saw a girl wearing what I thought was a hand towel.  Embarassed for her, I assumed that she simply grabbed the wrong piece of fabric on a rush out the door.  However, when her other 4 friends were wearing similar wash cloth-sized clothing, I realized that I was amidst a trend.  All I can say is "Congratuations High School Boys".  You are living in a wonderful time.

Me Talk Good

Ever notice how many people use incorrect English?  Whether its during conversation, an e-mail, or an office memo, you can invariably find someone lousing up the language.  Not to say that I have a firm grasp on English, but I remain conscious about communicating properly.  Try writing regular weblog entries some time, it will make you more aware of the words you choose.  In my situation, I read my entries over and over again to verify that I do not sound like a blathering idiot or an uneducated yokel.  Spend some time really listening to the words you hear during your average day. Typically, you will hear some atrocious language. 

Some of my favorites:
Like:  Its like a word that like fills in the gaps of like sentences and stuff.  Usually employed by high school students, but it becomes such a habit that people forget that they use it.
Um:  In normal conversations, people use "um's and uh's" as crutches.  I do this all the time, usually when I'm trying to explain why I haven't completed a task in due time.
Invalid similes/metaphores:  Sweating like a dog. (dogs don't sweat, they pant)  Cold as hell.  (seriously?)
Made up words:  Irregardless.  Ir- means without, and so does -less.   Also, not all verbs can be used as nouns and not all nouns can be used as verbs.

I never claim to have a handle on proper grammer usage.  I probably have several grammatical errors in this entry anyway.  The worst part of how society is lessening the importance of proper English, is that so few people know what proper English is.  Or worse yet, they think that the slang and misshapen words are acceptible.  Listen for language butchering in your every day communications, and you will be astounded at the garbage that people try to pass off as communication.

haX0rd!

I'm a good computer user.  Really, I am.  I keep my virus definitions up to date and do regular scans.  I use Firefox to reduce the influx of adware and spyware.  I use Spybot and Ad-Aware to catch the junk that Firefox doesn't.  I reside behind a firewall to help protect me from bad guys.  By my job definition, I should know how to do things computer related.  However, this week, a dirty little program was found on my work computer.  A nasty bugger called RemPSteal. 

What does RemPSteal do, you might ask?  Its a password stealer.  It installs itself on your computer, sitting in the background tracking every keystroke.  Lucky for me, there were some limitations that prevented this program from catching anything important.  RemPSteal, according to the logs, has been on my work computer as long as I have.  However the actually password logging was limited to a two week time frame which began during my probationary period when I had no rights to anything on our network.  Although, during that time, it caught everything that I entered into Internet Explorer (pre-Firefox for me).  My passwords for COALM, my passwords AND conversations via AIM Express, and all of my searches were exported into a text file, ready to be sent to anyone.  Thanks to some fancy network security, the exported passwords never left our network.  It does not make you feel any better after you see your passwords (even what I considered my most secure password) typed out in plain text.

What you should learn from my disaster:
-Never use Internet Explorer again.  This password stealing program only worked because of my IE usage.  This password stealer is one of MANY that work on IE.  So avoid IE like the plague.  (We've been over this before, people)
-Change your passwords more often.  I had been using the same passwords for months.  This episode prompted me to change all of my passwords.  By reading this post, you should be reminded to change your passwords too.  Go ahead.  Change 'em.  What are you waiting for?
-Surf cautiously.  There is always a chance that the information that you send over the Internet could be intercepted by others.

Super Market Nemesis

Since we moved to our current house some 15 months ago, I have adopted the local Harris Teeter as my personal supply chain for food stuffs.  A clean store, worthy selections and friendly service have prevented me from straying to the half a dozen other super markets within a mile radius of my home.  All in all, I have been satisfied with my grocery option.

However, shopping at the HT falls just shy of nirvana due to some cashiers who put an unwelcome strain on the cashier/customer relationship.  First up would be the "Stickler".  This bespectacled youth has the uncanny ability to suck the life out of the area by following all protocols without regard for customer comfort.  He's the guy that checks your I.D. no matter what, or checks with the manager on anything requiring individual thought.  I usually avoid this gentleman due to the fact that he's usually there during prime shopping hours.

The second cashier that poses problems for me would be what I call the "Suggester".  The "Suggester" does exactly what her make shift title implies, she makes suggestions.  But, these suggestions come fast and furious.  As opposed to a helpful hint, you get a crazy recipe based on the items in your shopping cart.  If I had Pop-Tarts, Velveeta, Green Beans, and Yogurt in my grocery cart, she would come up with a casserole idea from those ingredients.  Avoiding her becomes more of a hassle for me, since she works in the late evenings when there are no other cashier options.  Last night for instance, instead of getting a barage of recipe suggestions, we opted for the self-check out.  The joke was on me since the self checkout mocked me with commands of placing groceries here and there, and redoing activities that I had deemed complete.

I will continue my shopping at the local Harris Teeter despite my increasing number of adversaries.  Cashiers both human and mechanical are worthy foes.

I Am Sick Of This

I have been battling a cold and sore throat the past couple of days.  However, my illness did not prevent me from enjoying some new school hockey at the tune of an 8-6 Carolina Hurricanes victory over the Philadelphia Flyers on Friday night which was prefaced by some beer drinkin' and some fried chicken munchin'.  But I digress.  On Saturday, I had a Tom Waits type of hoarseness that can only be described as 'sultry', perhaps 'gravelly'.  Sitting outside in the cold before Friday night's game and yelling during the hockey game certainly did not speed up my recovery.  It has been 4 days since I was officially deemed sick, but the voice is still a little strained.  Also, thanks to some extremely dry weather, my nasal cavity feels like it is lined with sandpaper. 

My tales of sickness is captivating literature, for sure, but hopefully I can return to my vocalized self by tomorrow.  Although I will miss my sexy, throaty voice.

No Name Jersey

Gather 'round, boys and girls.  It is story time!  Not too long ago, I began a quest for a Carolina Hurricanes practice jersey.  It was somewhat of a specialty item, since the Canes had switched to a Reebok practice jersey instead of the Center Ice item I had my eyes on.  Abby and I had mentioned getting one, but since the change to Reebok, the old practice jersey was no where to be found.  Recently, I stumbled on a deal at the Hurricanes' web site, which was offering the exact practice jersey I was trying to get.  There was one minor catch, that I found easily correctable.  This jersey was advertised as a Customizable Practice Jersey, so purchasing it online only allowed a potential customer (me) to choose an existing Carolina Hurricanes player name/number to be printed on the back OR to provide my own name/number.  While this might be advantageous to some, I found it useless.  I did not want to be forever tied to one hockey player, nor did I want to imply an inflated ego by placing my own name on the back of this garment.  I assumed that if I talked with customer service, I could get the jersey exactly the way I wanted it...blank. 

So I call shop.nhl.com in hopes of convincing someone to help me.  Here is where it gets amuzing. 

The first customer service representative (CSR) told me that I could type the word "BLANK", and the manufacturer will send me a blank jersey. To be on the safe side, if I reference the order number, the CSR said that they could make a note that the jersey will be left blank. I proceed with my order with the "BLANK" last name and zero as my number. I call shop.nhl.com back to make sure that nothing gets printed on this jersey, but I am met with some resistance. The second CSR I speak to tells me that I cannot purchase a blank jersey at all. He tells me that the jersey I have just purchased will have "BLANK" printed on the back, complete with the number 0. I take the high road since I wanted to purchase this jersey. I gave the second CSR a choice: A) Let me buy the jersey with nothing on the back OR B) Cancel my order. He restated that the jersey could not be purchased without printing on the back, so we decided on option B. Shortly thereafter, I felt like I had given up prematurely. I call shop.nhl.com one more time, and get a third CSR. Right out of the box, I ask if I can purchase the aforementioned practice jersey without any printing. The third CSR replies, "Yes, you can". He then explains that I can put "BLANK" in the name field. Instead of taking my chances by ordering via the web site again, I ask CSR #3 to place the purchase for me, to insure a jersey with no printing on the back. During the purchase, I am met with a question that sent countless emotions coursing through my body: "What number do you want on your jersey?". After releasing myself from a self inflicted full body tensing, I revisited the issue with CSR #3. I quickly learned that although I can forego the name being printed on the jersey, a number MUST be printed on the back. I downshift into negotiation mode, but get no where fast. "There IS a point in time where the jersey does not have printing on the back of it, right?", I ask. To my dismay, the folks could not in any way get this jersey to me, minus printing on the back. I hung up the phone. I had been defeated and emotionally spent.

Retail Ire

For as long as I can remember I have hated Wal-Mart.  It was based on personal preference in the beginning.  Everything in the store seemed cheap to me.  My first exposure to Wal-Mart was during formative, junior high school days where peer status was the most important issue in life.  Buying low quality items at Wal-Mart when one could easily go to similar retail stores and find similar, but higher quality items, would drop you a couple of pegs on the juvenile status board. 

Fast forward to my adult life and I begin to recognize and understand the need for lower priced items for working families to make ends meet.  There was a place in this world for Wal-Mart, but I could not shake my aversion to this retail store.  Most of my personal experiences with shopping at a Wal-Mart aggravated me on some level.  Whether I had to deal with unhelpful staff or incorrigible patrons, the distaste I had for Wal-Mart had less to do with their inventory, and more to do with the people that populated this place.  I had already developed a distaste for this store, so shifting the reasons for said distaste was trivial, considering that I barely needed reasoning for avoiding trips to Wal-Mart. 

My present day hatred for Wal-Mart has accelerated past the personal preference arena and more toward ethics.  After watching Wal-Mart: The High Cost of Low Price, I had a multitude of reasons for hating the corporate entity as a whole, instead of merely being annoyed at the local representative store location.  Even if only half of that documentary is true, Wal-Mart's existence will be the downfall of society, if it has not happened already.  Their unethical practices made me ill.  Whether they are strong arming suppliers, skimping on employee benefits or mandating local statutes, Wal-Mart's greed destroyed any benefits they provide from my perspective. 

For the coup de gras, they are attempting to trade mark the smiley face.  At last check, this icon is part of public domain, which by definition means that it cannot be restricted by copyright or patent.  Based on previous tactics used by Wal-Mart, look for the smiley face to be trade marked anyway, despite this minor obstacle.

I understand that most retail stores will cut corners where ever they can to save money, so alternative retail stores are not much better by comparison.  However, it will still take a major effort to get my money out of my pocket and into a Wal-Mart.

Sabres/Canes

I have been caught up in some Stanley Cup Playoff action.  The Carolina Hurricanes are in the midst of a strong playoff run,.  They are currently locked up with the Buffalo Sabres vying for the Eastern Conference title.  Per usual, the locals have rallied around the team.  The fans have started displaying Canes paraphernalia on their person and their automobiles.  The town is abuzz.  We saw similar support during the Canes last Stanley Cup run, back in aught two. 

I have been to my fair share of Canes games, so I have seen my share of opposing fans.  Traveling fans are a breed apart.  You are dealing with people that are willing to travel to see their team play an away game.  Those folks are willing to sit among the enemy in support.  I admire that sort of dedication.  I consider myself a big Canes fan, but I have never been to an away game.  So a traveling fan becomes a "bigger fan" in my mind.

However, I have to say that traveling Buffalo Sabre fans are the absolute worst.  Not so much their blind dedication to their team, because I like that, but more because of their demeanor.  They are the most obnoxious, uncivilized group of fans I have seen.  (This coming from someone that has seen New Jersey and Toronto fans)  Most away fans that I have seen do the regular shtick:  team chants and claiming that "my team is better than your team".  I can handle that too.  But the Sabre fans were excessively drunken, foul-mouthed, trash talking jerks.  Games 1 and 2 of the Eastern Conference Finals provided a lot more intra-fan confrontations than I remember in years past just from my personal experience, not even considering the police blotter.  While most opposing fans would have a playful exchange with local fans before, during and after the game, Sabre fans did the same thing with a sprinkle of angst.  Throw in a splash of alcohol and a Canes loss, and you have a recipe for disaster.  You can play the heel role without getting arrested.

Watch Your Butt

While participating in my usual commute this morning, I noticed someone haphazardly flicking their cigarette butt out the window.  This was not the first time I have seen this action, but for some reason this time struck a chord with me.  Why is throwing a cigarette out the window acceptable while throwing any other trash out your car window is verboten?  Take the time to look down at any intersection and you'll notice a collection of cigarette butts.  People are littering these things all the time!  I do not consider myself a "tree hugger" or even all that "green", although I recycle a little bit.  But throwing personal trash out of a car window is totally irresponsible, not to mention the act of smoking in the first place.

Next Generation Getting Soft

Allow me to settle into my old curmudgeon persona, which I can slip into as easily as a bedroom slipper.  Kids today have a sense of entitlement.  The days of working hard for rewards is becoming a distant memory.  Instead of coping, adjusting or "doing without", the egocentrism of today's youth dictates that the rest of the world should accommodate the youngsters when things do not go their way.  Oddly enough, I do not blame the kids.  Their surrounding environment has created this "me first" mentality.  Parents are catering to their every need based on what they are told on television.  Buy this, buy that and your child will be happy. 

We need to toughen these kids up a bit.  Take for example the new student basketball distribution policy at my Alma Mater.  Back in the day, students (including myself) would have the privilege of camping out all night for a couple of basketball tickets.  And we liked it.  Making students work hard for their reward made the reward so much sweeter.  Now, students can simply get their basketball tickets via e-mail.  I find this disturbing.  Another example of spoon feeding America's youth.  Next you'll be telling me that there will be no failing grades anymore. 

Wear Your Phone?

How important do you think you have to be in order to wear a wireless ear piece for your cellphone?  Not to mention the notion of wearing said ear piece all the time.  If you are so important that you require quick access to your phone at all times, then maybe you do not need to be away from a phone at all.  If phone calls are important enough to make you dress up with phone accessory jewelry, then talking on the phone is obviously the most important thing in your life therefore you should not be further than a couple feet from a phone at any given moment.  Then you should not be out in public, risking complete an utter humiliation by wearing ridiculous phone paraphilnalia.  Go back to your cubicle, then make all the phone calls you want.  But be warned, you wear that thing on your ear in public and you are NOT on a phone call, we will all point and laugh at you.  A lot.

Bad Day Ends on High Note

Yesterday was a bad day for me.  I don't dwell on the bad days since I assume you need bad days to have good days, relatively speaking.  I won't get into specifics, but my work day did not go well.  Several attempts at scheduling were thwarted since I needed the time/attention of individuals who were not willing to provide it.  After work, I picked up Myra Grace, which all things being equal was better than usual until I had to prepare for the night's Carolina Hurricanes game against the Florida Panthers, to which we had tickets.  With the colder weather, packing up baby becomes more complex by adding multiple layers of clothing, not to mention accessorizing with hats and gloves.  After finally getting in the car with everything we needed, I get a call from Abby telling me that we did not pay the nanny this week.  So I had to detour.  This is about the time that Myra Grace decided that riding in the car was not for her.  She presented her case at high volume levels.  Finally, we meet Abby at the game.  Unfortunately, Abby had a less than stellar day as well.  We shared our bad day stories which left us both a little weary. 

Once in the RBC Center, we decided to reward our collective bad days with a tasty beverage.  However during the game tragedy struck as my half full (half empty?) beverage was spilled on the floor.  As if the tasty beverages were not expensive enough, getting half value really hurts.  So my day gets even worse.  To top it off, the Canes were having a similar bad day as they entered the 3rd period to the tune of a 0-3 deficit.  A fitting end to my crap-tacular day.  However, something sparked the Canes as they scored 5 unanswered goals to begin the 3rd period.  I had never seen such an offensive onslaught, especially in contrast to the uninspired, dare I say boring, play of the first two periods.  The Canes skated out of the RBC Center with a 6-4 victory after setting a franchise record for goals scored in a period.  Not to mention that family time at the hockey game was quite rewarding.

I guess I learned that even when things are going poorly, good things can be right around the corner

Going to be a late night

Tonight the University of North Carolina Tar Heels are scheduled to play the USC Trojans.  To my dismay, they intend on starting this game at around 10pm.  If last night's Ohio State/Tennessee game is any indication, I could be watching basketball until 1AM.  Yeah, I could record it, but its not the same as watching it while it happens.  Looks like I'm going to need a pre-game nap tonight. 

Much Ado About Nothing

I stumbled on a "news" story today involving Jessica Simpson.  Jessica had just given a new minivan to a Mexican orphanage (that she won from the MTV Music Awards, NOT something she bought herself).  A noble gesture to be sure, but was it a news worthy event?  One would think that Jessica would not even notice a minivan purchase on her bank statement based on how much money she makes.  That gave me an idea.  I decided to do the math...

A quick Google search uncovered what Jessica pulled in last year:  $14 million according to Forbes.  You can buy a 2007 Chrysler Town and Country in Southern California somewhere between $25,000 and $35,000 according to Kelly Blue Book.  Based on my fuzzy math, Jessica handing over the keys to the highest end Town and Country Minivan ($35K) would be the equivalent of $116 dollars for someone making $46,326/year (median income based on the 2005 US Census).  I have a feeling that if someone making $46K/year wins $116 in a contest, then gives those winnings to an orphanage, it would not even make the local paper.  Just sayin'.

My Birthday Again?

Yeah, its my birthday today.  Not really much hoopla for number 33.  Not like there was much for any  of my other birthdays either.  Why?  Because that is the way I like it.  The only birthday demands I remember making was for the Moonwalk in my backyard.  And that was more of a request.  I just don't get much of a rise about my birthday.

Birthdays mean different things to different people.  The most popular opinion is that your birthday is something special, that should be treated as sacred.  Fiddlesticks.  Just another day in my opinion.  Thanks for all the "Happy Birthday" greetings, they are not lost on me.  However, I have never made any demands on my birthday.  If someone wants to send me nice greetings and give me presents on some other day, that's fine with me.  It just doesn't have to be the 6th of August.  Be nice to me because you want to, not because a calendar told you so.

Get Off My Lawn

When I left home to go to work this morning, I noticed several footprints across my front yard thanks to the Trick-or-Treaters.  Immediately, I was aggravated because the yard had been recently seeded and the new growth would be jeopardized by people walking on it.  Then it hit me...I have become the "old man" stereotype that I have been mocking all these years.

Rain, Not Sleet

The weather forecast called for "wintery precipitation" last night and today.  While I don't mind schools remaining on the side of caution by delaying schools in the area, others have taken it too far.  Most of the people in my office are "working from home" today, I guess so that they would avoid the weather.  I came in earlier than usual today and when I got into my vehicle, I noticed that the "wintery precipitation" falling from the sky was in fact, rain.  Just rain.  Plus, the temperature was holding steady at 36 degrees, which my remedial understanding of science tells me is actually ABOVE freezing. 

What I have learned from this is that people are just looking for any reason to shirk their responsibilities.

Neighborhood Kids Being Coddled

I have had to change up my work schedule a bit this week.  In doing so, I have noticed the neighborhood kids both in the morning and in the afternoon.  These kids are all soft I tells ya!  In the morning while waiting for the bus at the designated area, most kids have their parents in tow.  I have seen parents escort their young'uns on the bus.  Some kids even wait in their parent's car while waiting for the bus.  This begs the question, "if you can devote that much time and effort to getting your kid on the bus, why not just drive them to the school?".  When the kids are dropped off the bus in the evening, the same over-protective parents are camped out waiting for them.  I have actually seen parents bring the child's Razor scooter or their bicycle to make the trip back home that much easier.  The kicker was the rainy day when I saw a parent meet the child at the bus with an awaiting umbrella.  Not that big of deal, except that they walked the kid less than a few yards to the car. 

How are kids today going to ever toughen up when the parents are waiting on them hand and foot?