As some of you might know, I have a policy of watching mostly syndicated sitcoms to avoid sifting through the garbage that is known as primetime television. I feel this works because only shows with something like 100 shows are in syndication, and very few bad shows can make 100 without getting cancelled first. I make a commitment to the shows I watch and I don't want to relive the Two Guys and A Girl debacle. I watched as much of that show as I could, and ABC ripped it away from me and the other 3 people that watched it. Same thing happened to me with Sports Night. One of the cleverest shows around, and it barely stood a chance.
Anyway, I watch That 70's Show religiously now that it is in syndication. I would dare say it is the funniest show on television today. We'll leave that debate for another day. Since they have a limited number of shows available and they show one per day, you run the cycle fairly quickly. So this week they are showing episodes from the first season, and yesterday was the very first episode. My wife, Abby, picked up on something I found quite interesting. The gang didn't know how to pronounce the Foreign Exchange Student's name so they called him FES. An acronym for Foreign Exchange Student! How cool! I've seen almost every episode and never noticed until yesterday.
I hate reality television, but I like game shows. I tend to file shows like Big Brother in the game show category rather than reality television, which explains why I watch it. Right now Big Brother is winding down, and I have been watching it for a majority of the season. (Took me a while to get hooked) However, I have decided to boycott and not watch it at all until Alison is voted out of the Big Brother house. It has been a great competition, but I loathe this woman so much that I'm willing to make this sacrifice. Every time she appears on screen my entire body flexes in utter annoyance. Her voice sounds like metal forks scraping across a blackboard. The only reason I can imagine why she is still around is that if she makes it to the final two, no one, and I mean no one would vote for her to win it all.
***(Alison lost to Jun 6-1 in the final vote. I could not account for how stupid Nathan actually was)***
Let's dissect the responses she gave to the questionnaire on the Big Brother website. Each question and response is quoted directly from their site.
What is your motto? Irwin [last name] backwards is WIN-IR Sorry, but Irwin backwards is NIWRI. What an idiot!
What three adjectives best describe you? Fun, loyal, outgoing
LOYAL?!? This bitch has changed teams more than Chucky Brown.
Who is your personal hero? Britney Spears
Oh, please. Of all the people in history, this is all you can come up with?
Why did you want to be on BIG BROTHER? Money and possible fame
Greedy, self-centered bitch.
What strengths do you bring to BIG BROTHER? Mental and physical. I can adapt well and make others happy.
Translation: I'm a chameleon. A lizard. A reptile
What weaknesses do you bring to BIG BROTHER? I have a big mouth and can be bossy.
Finally, we get an honest answer.
What comfort item from home will you miss the most? My kitty, "meow meow," and my boyfriend
She freakin' said "meow meow". How can anyone like this person?
What type of news from the outside world will you miss the most? How my friends, family and boyfriend are all doing; who won miss Pennsylvania
I'm sure that the Miss Pennsylvania pageant is riveting and all, but how about knowing some world events?
Do you tend to perform better in physical or mental competitions? Equal in both
Correct. You suck at both of them.
How do you plan to win BIG BROTHER? Not lying, not cheating and not talking behind backs
You have failed miserably at this! I have never seen such a backstabber.
What is your biggest fear as you begin BIG BROTHER? Missing my family and my boyfriend
Is that why you crawled into bed with both Justin and Nathan, you whore?
Let me know when this jezebel is off the air because I will not be watching.
Unless you haven't noticed, the folks that run the large network television outlets (CBS, NBC, ABC, and FOX) are looking for the broadest audiences possible. This process results in pandering to the lowest common denominator while dulling the cutting edge to the sharpness of a sack of mashed potatoes. Take for example the made-for-TV movie entitled "The Reagans". Originally scheduled to appear on CBS during sweeps, this movie was removed from CBS's programming due to being controversial. However, based on the feedback in several news sources today, it seems that there is more to the story. Instead of being the controversy filled break through as mentioned in press releases, it appears that CBS "butchered this made-for-TV movie, ultimately making it too incoherent for the network to air", quoting the CNN article. I am not the least bit surprised. Primetime network television is the most middle of the road drivel ever. Heaven forbid that someone gets the least bit offended, so they put the most bland things on the air. Even when the networks claim that they are breaking ground with some revolutionary concept, the idea has already been shown overseas or on cable for years. It took nearly 15 years before you saw a husband and wife sharing the same bed (Brady Bunch). Openly gay individuals were not portrayed until recently in shows like Ellen and Will and Grace. More often than not what a network considers racy is usually passe' by the time it reaches the American viewers. Maybe putting The Reagans on Showtime this Sunday will bring the edge back to this movie that CBS apparently destroyed.
As many of you obviously know, the People's Choice Awards aired last night. At the risk of sounding like a conspiracy theorist, this awards show might have been tainted by some home cooking. See, this awards show is hosted and run by the good folks at CBS, and in a weird turn of events, the television awards were dominated by CBS shows. At first glance, the winning television shows were legitimate when you see CSI winning the Best Television Dramatic Series or Ray Romano as best male television performer. However, that is where the legitimacy ends. With Friends being the only exception, there were no non-CBS shows represented in the ceremony. I mean, come on, Two and a Half Men as the best new comedy series? There is no way. It would get steamrolled by FOX's Arrested Development in a head to head competition. Survivor: Pearl Islands was selected as the best reality based program. Although I was a loyal viewer throughout last season, it could not possibly win in this category when matched up with FOX's The Simple Life and American Idol, or ABC's the Bachelor and the Bachelorette.
If CBS wanted to promote its own television shows, they should have just ran commercials like everyone else. Instead they made people get dressed up for their fake award show. Shame on you, CBS!
Although I did not watch a single episode of Donald Trump's The Apprentice, I was not immune from its barrage of media attention. So I at least have a vague familiarity of the show. However, I did notice a glaring oversight on their part, even if it is a technicality. Allow me to explain. Throughout his show, Donald Trump would eliminate a contestant from his show by exclaiming his almost patented phrase, "You're Fired". In last night's finale, instead of "You're Fired" the Donald got to reward Bill Rancic with the title of Apprentice by saying "You're Hired". Well, if none of the contestants were hired until the finale, then how could any of them have been fired?
The cable guy came this weekend and hooked us back up to the world. Until then, I had felt like a neanderthal staring at cave paintings with my snowy regular local programming this past week, not to mention lack of Internet access. Finally, I have 100+ channels to choose from (ironically only 10 that I watch regularly). A couple of times last week I had to miss the first 5-10 minutes of Pardon The Interuption due to my commute. My commute home takes me just over 30 minutes, so leaving at 5pm would inevitably cause me to miss most of PTI's first segment. Now that everything is hooked back up, I can use my Digital Video Recorder to playback PTI from the beginning, and even skip those Smirnoff Ice Triple Black commericals.
For almost 30 years, Saturday Night Live has been entertaining the masses with its late night sketch comedy. For the most part, I have enjoyed everything that they have done, even in the Robert Downey, Jr and Anthony Michael Hall days. Despite these set backs, I just wait for the next transfusion of talent (or no talent) and continue on my way. Right now the cast of SNL is in a bit of flux due to their lack of a main eventer; A member that can do all the kooky things. SNL had depended on the likes of Eddie Murphy, Billy Crystal, Dana Carvey, Mike Myers, Chris Farley, Will Farrell, and Jimmy Fallon. Now it is time for someone else to carry the kooky torch, but judging the current roster, we may have to wait until next season. The closest they have to offer is Amy Poehler. She cranks out some great characters, but she needs work on being Amy Poehler. I believe that putting her in every sketch is a smart move, but keep her away from the Weekend Update news desk. I'm sure that Seth Meyer or Fred Armisen could do a better job since Tina Fey is doing circles around Amy right now. And one last suggestion I have for SNL would be to tell Horatio Sanz you are switching to Sunday nights. He is killing you. Without his pal Jimmy Fallon propping him up or laughing at him uncontrolably for no reason, Sanz looks mediocre and most importantly: unfunny.
Over the weekend I got my hands on a copy of Firefly, the short lived
science fiction series that was on FOX a few years ago. What, you
don't remember it? How could you? There were only a handful
of episodes that actually aired. Most of which were on Friday
nights, which is the graveyard shift of primetime television.
From what I have learned, Firefly has a substantial cult following,
during its limited time on the air and even more so after it was
cancelled. I assumed it was the typical fanboy reaction to every
science fiction series that gets booted from the airwaves, but I heard
some glowing reviews from several people that had seen the show.
This was not your typical "boldly go where no man has gone before"
show, full of actors with bad wigs, rubber masks and face paint
attempting to be a different alien every week. This is a show
that has compelling stories with interesting characters that cannot be
simply summed up with just a single adjective to encapsulate their
personality. With the release of 12 episodes on DVD, the show has
an underground resurgence. This rebirth has even spawned an
upcoming movie version entitled Serenity.
Think about that for a second. A movie based on a television show
that did not last for even a season. Usually I would say that
Hollywood has truly run out of ideas and we should expect to see movie
versions of Manimal, Street Hawk and the Misfits of Science
on the horizon. However, in this situation I believe (or want to
believe) that Firefly/Serenity has the potential to become a serial
success. I do not predict this to be the next Star Wars trilogy,
but from what I have seen of the series, we could be on to something
here.
The days of original blockbuster movies are over. Lately we have
been sentenced to safe remakes and retreads of the familiar in our
movie theaters. Why did they remake Bad News Bears or The Longest Yard anyway? What did you think of the Dukes of Hazzard movie? Maybe we could get yet another Charlie's Angels
movie? Serenity can break us out of the remake trends in
Hollywood and provide what so many movie goers are clamoring for:
original, compelling, exciting stories. I highly recommend
watching this series on DVD. Then watch Serenity when it hits the
movie screens on September 30th.
Bad news for you Horatio Sanz fans out there.....both of you. Looks like Sanz, Chris Parnell and Finesse Mitchell will not be returning to Saturday Night Live this year. I know what you are thinking: Why would Sanz leave now.....why not 5 years ago? He's been dead weight on SNL for a while now. The skits where he is featured, like "I'm Carol", were torturous. Getting him through a skit without having him laughing was a chore. However, I will miss his Aaron Neville impression, which was quite good. Although I doubt that Lorne Michaels will lose sleep over that one.
As far as the others, there's not much to say, other than SNL is getting a tranfusion. With the emergence of Andy Sandburg, Jason Sudeikis and Kristen Wiig, it seems as if they are going in a new (read: younger) direction. Neither Mitchell nor Parnell did anything that could not be done by someone else anyway. Yeah, Parnell did great in the "Lazy Sunday" sketch last season but that was written by Sandburg anyway. Parnell used to do well as TV game show hosts, but again, thats not exactly going to separate you from the rest of the pack.
With Tina Fey and Rachel Dratch leaving SNL to work on "30 Rock", SNL was looking a little too manly. So maybe dropping these three was a way to hide how few women are on the show.
For the first time in 8 years, SNL will be Horatio-free. My wish has been granted. Now, if they could just get Amy Pohler off of the Weekend Update desk.
Saturday Night Live has been a source of content here on COALM with mixed results. This past weekend was one of the better episodes of the season. I think that Justin Timberlake is to blame for this episode's success. I had no idea how funny he can be given the right material. JT recreated his role of Robin Gibb for another take on the Barry Gibb Talk Show. It was even worth dusting off Jimmy Fallon for this one (Does he camp out outside of Lorne Michael's dressing room hoping for another cameo?)
However, the best sketch of the night was the SNL Digital Clip, which had me literally crying from laughing so hard. If you are easily offended by genitalia humor, then I would not suggest continuing this post.
This morning I noticed that the court case which is trying to figure out where Anna Nicole Smith's body should be buried dominated the morning news/talk show scene this morning. While this is a complex story, I did not feel that the story needed the amount of attention it was garnering. I can honestly say that I do not care one way or another about this. However, the Today show devoted no less than a half hour to this story.
I realize that hearing bad news coming from Iraq or that the White House is about to start a war with Iran is a bummer for the people, that does not mean that entertainment news has to fill up the news ticker. I know more about Anna Nicole Smith's estate and Britney Spears' trips to rehab than I do about the country's involvement in the Middle East.
The "news" is like any other program on television in that they are competing for ratings. The integrity of news sources will continue to be compromised while this situation exists.
Over the weekend my television made the worst sound ever. It made a loud "pop", similar to the sound a light bulb makes when it breaks. Scared the crap out of me. Shortly thereafter, no picture was to be had.
Luckily, my television is under warranty so it should not cost me anything for the repair....except time. When I called about the repair, the earliest a technician can look at it is May 3rd. A week and a half?!? Seriously? What are my other options? After calling a hotline for such matters, I was informed that I could probably do the bulb replacement myself. I looked up the procedure on a web site and it was pretty straight forward. I have experience repairing computers, so opening the back of a television was not too scary. When I removed the lamp, the bulb was in pieces. Obviously the culprit to my lack of video.
The next step is to acquire a new bulb. Unfortunately, the serial number on my television is listed as "out of warranty" based on the manufacturer's records. Therefore, I had to prove that I have owned my television for less than a year. I have faxed my invoice to the manufacturer, so I should be entitled to a replacement bulb. Let us see which happens first: the arrival of a replacement bulb or May 3rd, which is the scheduled visit for repair by a technician. Stay tuned (pun only mildly intended)
Had an interesting conversation lately on the future of television programming. With the advent of time shifting digital recording devices and downloadable television shows, it seems like the old standard of running your typical programming schedule is going the way of the dinosaur. However, what will the next big thing be?
Some people think that content that you can download to your computer is the next logical step. But I do not think that people want to watch programs from their computers. Even converting said downloads to something for your television seems like one too many steps for the average viewer.
While I do not know what the answer will be, I think that DVRs will be involved. DVRs are taking the emphasis off of prime time television due to viewers watching shows when they want, as opposed to schedules the networks dictate. Could we see extra programming due to this? With more and more people recording shows, where is the importance on prime time? Why not broadcast shows during off-peak times for the purpose of recording? I'll tell you why not. Advertising revenue. Someone needs to figure out how to get programming on demand to make money. Until that happens, expect the status quo of hour long shows broken down into 40 minutes of "show" and 20 minutes of commercials during prime time.
Last night, I completed the first season of Heroes thanks to a generous co-worker lending me his Season One DVD box set.
What did I think? Wow. Simply, wow. What a great series. This show is everything that I wanted Lost to be . While I watched Lost, I was hoping for answers to the mysterious story lines...instead, I got more mysterious story lines. Heroes, on the other hand, likes to reward their viewers with clever plot twists that lead some where and clear cut goals for their characters. Ambiguity is a great way to stretch out a story, bringing the viewer back week after week, but not necessarily how to create a good story.
After seeing Heroes, I feel like I have been in an abusive relationship with Lost, and did not realize it until it was too late. ("Lost only hits me because it loves me") Heroes swept me off my feet and romanced me the way an ensemble drama should.
You know about the Writer's Strike, right? If you didn't, well there's a Writer's Strike. The writers want more royalties from alternative media like DVD's and media downloads, while the studios are fine with not giving out more money. Its a classic story really. (Maybe someone should write a movie about it. Oh, the irony)
The writer's strike could sabotage the television season since very few new shows will be produced. Well, shows that require writers, that is. Cue the reality shows! Bring in the game shows! Seems like every network had a contingency plan for just this situation, since they had several reality and game shows at the ready. Or it could be that those shows are much cheaper to make, so they crank them out on a regular basis in hopes that one of the cheap shows will become popular, thus highly profitable.
This could spell the death of the sit com. The end of the crime drama. Television needs these types of shows. Otherwise, we get nothing but news and American Idol. Some news is fine. Some reality shows are fine. But give me the sitcoms and dramas to maintain a balance.
